Trả lời:

  Yesterday was a very good day. The weather was sunny, had wind and cloudy. Lily is a person who really really like hiking moutain! Lily decided to hike the moutain today. She will to conquer the top of Mount EVEREST. She was really excited about this challenge. She was tired to hike the moutain. But she was success. On the top of the moutain, she shouted loudly: "The mountain has been conquered by me"

Sửa lại:

  Yesterday was a very good day. The weather was sunny, had wind and cloudy. Lily is a person who likes hiking mountains! Lily decided to hike the mountain today. She will conquer the top of Mount EVEREST. She was excited about this challenge. She was tired to hike the mountain. But she was successful. On the top of the mountain, she shouted: "The mountain has been conquered by me"

* really really: gần như bỏ vì không phải lúc nào cũng phù hợp

 like ⇒ likes

 mountain chứ không phải là moutain

success ⇒ successful (đi sau to be)

 loudly gần như bỏ vì đã dùng shout (hét lớn)

PS Bài hay đó!

  ~잘 공부하세요~

@su

Yesterday was a very good day. The weather was  sunny, had wind and cloudy. Lily is a person who really really like hiking moutain ! Lily decided to hike the moutain today. She will to conquer the top of Mount EVEREST.She was really excited  about this challenge. She was  tired to hike the moutain. But she was success.On the top of the moutain, she shouted loudly :"The mountain has been conquered by me".

Câu mik gạch chân mik thấy nếu dùng was thì pk+vs adj,success là N(Sự thành công) nên mik sửa: successful(thành công)

Còn lại đều đúng và rất hay ạ.=)))